improve with fish

Advanced Relationship Skills

Couples - Families - Singles - Seniors

From
W. Shuford Davis, Ph.D

IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THROUGH FISHING

W. Shuford Davis, Ph.D.

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Learn from the very best. Study the skills necessary for success. Most of us subscribe to at least one magazine about fishing. Generally, there is a video, DVD or book in our collection to help us improve our fishing skills. What would happen in America if we annually read one article, or book, watched a video or DVD, or even went to seminar about improving our marriage and family life? Many of us believe relationships are private and we tend to fumble along interacting like our parents did. There is a “how to” article about every aspect of fishing. There is also a ton of information on doing better with the ones we love.

Patience is required to develop good fishing skills. Patience is absolutely essential in developing a healthy happy marriage. Raising kids and growing a great marriage is a long-term exercise in patience. Fishing requires hand-eye coordination, mental focus, and the ability to remain emotionally calm when a big grouper is bumping the bait. The same techniques of self calming, deep breathing, mental rehearsal and positive self talk we use on the water can work at home. Becoming angry or frustrated is a sure fire way to spook fish or miss a strike. A tragic mistake too often made is to be emotionally positive on the boat with buddies but use our marriage and family as the emotional dump for all our negative feelings. Be patient and positive at home.

Humility visits our ego with regularity while fishing. A missed nibble, a slow hook set, trolling lines tangle, fish everywhere on the electonics but refusing to bite, engine won’t crank, live well failure and all the bait is dead have humbled everyone of us. Even if we are good at it we are going to have a bad day. Sometimes its hard to be humble with spouse or children because we are stubborn, proud, always have to be right, cannot apologize or are too perfectionistic. Well “partner” sit right down here at the table, eat yourself a big piece of humble pie and be a real genuine human with your family.

Passion characterizes people really into fishing. We love it. Healthy marriage and family life requires a passion for those we say we love. It comes from the heart. Wanting the best for them, celebrating small things, being interested in and helpful with things they like not just focused on our passion. I once asked a lady what she would like from her husband who was passionate about bird hunting and totally obsessed with an ole pointer. Without missing a beat this church going lady said, “I wish he would treat me as good as that damn dog (boat, gear, etc.).”

Becoming good at fishing requires overcoming failure. That’s why we call it fishin’ and not catchin’. Forget about the one that got away. Optimistically plan for the next opportunity to be on the water. We often carry on an internal dialogue about what went wrong, how to learn from it, and what to do differently the next time. The same self-talk should go on when we have made a mistake in our primary relationships. Because we are dealing with humans who can communicate, apologize, tell them we love them, and make a commitment to learn and do differently the next time.

It takes time and money to become good at fishing. Most of us would be red faced embarrassed if we did a simple calculation of hours given to and dollars spent on fishing. Fair is fair. Also spend the same time and bucks on fun things your spouse and kids want to do. If they like the water take them with you, if they don’t, set a goal to give equally to what they enjoy. Give them our best not just the left-overs.

Learn from the best, be patient, practice humility, exercise passion, forge past failure, give quality time and money to those you love. Good fishing and good loving!