howtostop

Advanced Relationship Skills

Couples - Families - Singles - Seniors

From
W. Shuford Davis, Ph.D

Ask Dr. Davis

How to Stop a Potential Affair
(Getting Off the Slippery Slope)

Stop the emotional affair.

Stop the fantasy process.

Stop the freedom fantasy.

Stop rehearsing the rendezvous.

Start talking to your spouse, not about your spouse.

Start marriage counseling.

Start distancing yourself from the other person, i.e., emotionally, physically, and verbally. Place a moratorium on contact of any type with the other person. If you are in a work situation, minimize contact and ask others to be present at all meetings.

Start talking to yourself. Remember, the slippery slope to an affair is rationalized at every step. Examine your rationalizations in the light of the hurt and pain acting on the temptation will bring.

Stop “oh, well” thinking. You know the drill. You’ve gone this far, like a kiss or a touch, so “Why not?”

Restart “The Fidelity Principle” - Most of us start out with the ideal of being faithful to our spouses. Recommit to it. If you’re religious there is the value of being faithful because that’s God’s ideal for marriage. The third principle of fidelity is to be faithful to yourself, “I will be faithful because that’s the kind of person I am.” The real test of this is when the spouse has an affair and you avoid the temptation of a vengeance affair because you remind yourself “I will be faithful, even if you’re not, because that’s the way I am.”